John McCain DOES Care About Black People...

I've figured it out!

....
I've have been baffled by the McCain campaign, especially over the last 6 months. This is the man who served and suffered for our country as a naval aviator and POW, reached across the aisle to co-sponsor and champion campaign finance reform with the McCain-Feingold Act, launched the Straight Talk Express and had many successful (and funny, I mean, REALLY funny) appearances on my favorite, The Daily Show...if I didn't know better I'd swear he was either Captain America or Rambo or both.

But over the course of this campaign season, things have mystified me and I've tried to figure out WTF????

Singing "Bomb, bomb, bomb ... Bomb, bomb Iran" to the tune of the Beach Boys "Barbara Ann"; mixing up Somalia and Sudan or the Packers and the Steelers; and you'd be hard pressed to find a clearer way to say "all those people look alike" than the whole Sunni/Shia constant confusion...

But I finally figured it out...with apologies to Kanye West,

John McCain Does Care About Black People!

He really does. And he cares about one special one in particular...Barack Obama, whom he's secretly supporting for President...

Yes I said it.

It's the only explanation. Think about it. In 1983 he begins laying the groundwork by opposing the Martin Luther King Holiday and then continues to distance himself or ignore the Black Community in his state; in 2000 he lost to the Bush campaign, placing arguably the worst president in history in office, whom he subsequently endorsed in 2004, thereby continuing to galvanize Americans to action; and now in a continuation of this plan, he picks a relatively unknown governor to be VP, with none of the experience that he claims Barack doesn't have, all because she's a woman--thinking this will somehow mobilize the Hillary camp and women across the country to support him...you know, you couldn't ask for a more perfect straight line if you had Lou Abbott explaining Who's On First.

Follow me on this.

We live in a country that has struggled with its issues of race, culture and class in regards to basic human rights since its inception: slavery and segregation, equal rights for women, immigration, homelessness, gay marriage, the list goes on and on. And throughout any conflict, there is always a good guy and a bad guy...and it can't just be, "Oh, yes, I'm the best, but the other guy's okay too...no Kennedy needs his Nixon, Holmes needs his Moriarty, the American people need their Dick Cheney and Superman needs his Lex Luthor...hmmm, John McCain is balding...

And how better to be that guy than to constantly place yourself opposite the hero and to do such idyllic things as to consistently exemplify hypocrisy? I mean really. McCain is tuned into the homelessness and the foreclosure crisis so much that he doesn't remember how many homes he has...he's lost his homes too. He is so ahead of the game against segregation and racism that he can't tell brown people apart...that's being colorblind my friend. And now he's so supportive of women that he picks the antithesis of Hillary for his ticket to draw in her supporters based on gender...hmmm, I can't imagine thinking that little of women's intelligence...

And don't even get me started on the family dynamics. Personally, I believe that people's personal lives should be left alone and out of it, but you have to subscribe to that belief too to get that consideration, and so conversely it's hard to preach abstinence and "family values" as a party platform when your candidate has had extramarital affairs and your prospective VP's underaged, unwed daughter is pregnant...(of course there is hope, her boyfriend's coming to the convention...why???) And, I'm definitely one for unique names, but will foreign heads of state really take us more serious if they think the Palin named her kids after characters from Buffy and Charmed???

Maybe a press release about Piper Cubs and Willow, Alaska...although I don't know how to explain a kid named Trig...

Or maybe, this can be start of a trend with the party that they begin respecting the rights of all people to have their lives the way they want them...

The stage has been set. Bush has run the country so far into the ground that people are ready for radical change. And McCain has set himself up as the perfect contrast to Barack. And that's why it's clear...John McCain DOES care about Black people, and he wants one of them to be our next president......Barack Obama.

Really, can you think of a better explanation?