Killing Me Softly with This Privilege.

"When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the 'unalienable Rights' of 'Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.' It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked 'insufficient funds.'

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice."

~Martin Luther King, Jr., "I Have a Dream"; delivered 28 August 1963, at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C.

And so we come, each day, to the Bank of Justice. In long lines we wait,while the Privileged enjoy the express lane, not because of the simplicity of their transaction, but the simplicity of our system that rewards those with advantage. We wait as transaction after transaction occurs, no matter how complicated, until it is our turn...

and the teller goes on break.

Justice deferred is justice denied.

We came to this bank on the dream of a reverend, believing that this institution was

not bankrupt because so many of our privileged brothers and sisters had cashed their checks and danced in their street with their new found prosperity...we could see it, so there was no way to deny it, and all we wanted was the same opportunity, the same prosperity, the same free toaster.

But that's the thing about having privilege, often you don't want to share it. Somehow you think it cheapens it if others, especially those "beneath" you get it; sharing it somehow means you're losing something, that it is pulling you down instead of bringing everyone up. And so instead of the institution being bankrupt, it is out to lunch, or on break or closing early, any workaround that allows for the same result with a different face.  The institution isn't bankrupt, just continually and consistently unavailable...

Justice deferred.

And like that, your privilege is secure.  No one will take it from you, they aren't allowed in the club.  You have your exclusive rights, your bottle service, but you still maintain everyone is equal, right?  You have not great advantage, just those bootstraps you pulled yourself up by that got you to this place, and if those people would only do the same, they too could enjoy the fruits their labors...but they're too lazy, or unfortunate, or in the wrong place...never mind that your bootstraps were attached to their back and that you pulled yourself up by pushing them down...

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain as weaves his narrative and orchestrates the system that builds each leverage, each advantage to separate from those "less than"...he finesses the real estate, maneuvers the wealth attainment and manipulates the law and legal system all to exclude those not considered worthy and advantage those thought to be, until the divide is so great that the impossible can happen.

And this, then, is where we've come to, this is what progress has gotten us, new ways to deny justice, to defer it, to override it, until a Black man, is killed because an officer was scared of Black men, and his irrational fear, his Negrophobia, if you will, wrapped itself around him like a straight jacket and he shot...

pop...pop...pop...pop...pop...pop...pop

and he killed...

cop...cop...cop...cop...cop...cop...cop

and he was acquitted.  

His forged check was cashed while Philando's had a hold put on it.

Justice DENIED.

A system of privilege built to withstand any assertion, any attack any belief that it exists, like alien abductions, widely criticized and dismissed, yet no one has an answer for why the cows keep disappearing...

And that, therein, is where we have to start, acknowledging the existence of the problem, the stranglehold it has on our county, the interlocking tendrils that have weaved themselves into the fabric of our systems and society until they're almost indistinguishable from the true tapestry that is America...

But how you ask?

There is a thread loose...

A thread with names written on it, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Walter Scott, Freddie Grey, Philando Castile, a testament, a memorial...

We have to grab that thread and pull it, pull it hard so that the fabrications and manipulations unravel to reveal the truth.  Truth that needs to be clear, apparent, have a light shone brightly on it: Privilege does exist and it is killing us.

Eliminating privilege means giving up the EXTRA rights, advantages and special perks afforded you because of that privilege. If one really believes that everyone deserves to be treated as an individual, equal and a human, the it is not only incumbent upon them to cast off the gilded ornaments of privilege, they should want to do so willingly and gladly. For the world to work right, we need to kill it, kill privilege.


It is time to lay it down and give it the slow, agonizing death it deserves and then to perform the last rites for the last vestiges.  

Only then can we be truly free. 

Only then can a Black man give up living in fear.

Amen 

Don Loegering Did Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

My friend has died.

You wouldn't know it just from the outside, but he was one of my closest friends. He was 47 years older than me, retired military, German heritage, lived in all the places I had not, was all the things I was not, but he was my friend...

And I just found out tonight he died this summer...
And that makes tonight very hard...
Because I miss him.

Our lives had become very busy from when we met over 15 years ago, and the hectic pace meant we would go a couple of months without seeing or hearing from each other, and then grab lunch or dinner and the months apart would melt away as we caught up on each other's lives. And then every year at Thanksgiving or Christmas, sometimes both, I'd invite him to join us because to me, to us, he was family.  And so tonight, while I was shopping for food to cook for Thanksgiving, I called him to extend the annual invitation...But the phone just rang; no one picked up, no voicemail or anything.  I tried his cellphone and got that funky "the number you have reached is no longer in service" message, and began to worry.  I called his home number again, hoping that he would answer, hoping that what I had been fearing for awhile, what I knew would one day come to pass had not.  The line rang a full 20 times before I hung up and open my browser on my iPhone and typed in "Don Loegering obituary"...

And there it was, the moment I dreaded, the moment I knew would someday come... "Loegering, Donald L. AF Maj., Ret. of St. Louis Park, beloved member of the Basilica of Saint Mary congregation, passed away..."

This summer was especially hectic with a tremendous amount at work, home and in the community. Don passed away two days after I had surgery and the funeral was the same day as Rondo Days, the largest festival for our community in Saint Paul...and so, his passing went by and I missed it...

And now I just miss him.

I first met Don in 2000 when I was living in Stevens Square in Minneapolis and running for city council. It was my first run for office, I didn't know what the hell I was doing and Don showed up at a meet & greet and we just hit it off.  He offered to donate his time and talent to do the photography for my campaign.  He had a small studio on 19th street just off of Nicollet Avenue, a lifetime of experience and a passion for photography. He was retired so he did things because he wanted to, because he enjoyed them, not out of obligation. He covered the campaign because it suited him. He enjoyed the challenge and the experience. And he did damn fine photography. Out of that chance encounter came one of the richest friendships I've ever known.

Over the years, Don would do other photography or framing jobs for me including my first wedding, sometimes donating his time, often times with my insistence that he accept my money, but always, always out of friendship. We talk about politics and life, heartache and hard experience, where we had come from and where we were going and we would laugh a lot. We shared our regrets, and our joys.  He talked about children and especially his grandchildren, his journeys in Swaziland and Jamaica, his time as a fighter pilot and family.  We bonded over our mutual love of choral singing and I never met a more interesting person in my life.

I loved him and the richness he brought to my life. He was a Renaissance Man. 

You see, Don was my hero, and an American hero to boot.  I don't mean a John Wayne swagger type of hero, but someone more real.  He had flown in the Army Air Corps, served in WWII, Korea and intelligence work in Vietnam...and then left that all behind to join the Peace Corps.  He had the soul of a man who witnessed all manner of good and evil and still was whole.  He still had laughter in his heart and a passion to share his art and his friendship. He wasn't a blind patriot dolefully following the rhetoric spouted in the name of flag and country, but rather a man of honor and integrity that understood the difference between fighting a war and defending liberty. He understood truth.

He was a good man.

Last year, we hosted Thanksgiving at our house, my parents came out from the DC metro, my in-laws from here, my daughter's best friend and her family and our other found family, Martha and Don all got together, not knowing it would be the last one. Don enjoyed talking with people and loved to get to know them, and he had stories that would transfix you, no matter what your age. He spent a large chunk of the time talking with my mother and the two of them smiling happily through their experiences.

He was a wonderful part of our family.

Years ago, I had seen a photograph in his studio of him sitting in the cockpit of his F-80 Shooting Star, it was almost mystical.  I loved visiting his studio and listening to him talk about working with the younger artists in Stevens Square. I asked him for a copy, and he gave me a framed picture with a note on the back.  For years, that hung on our wall of family photos until an accident cracked the glass last year.

We talked about it at Thanksgiving, promising to get together so he could fix it...

we never got around to it...

I'm crying as I write this because I know he will not be here this year to join in our fellowship. He will not regale us with tales of far away lands and daring exploits; we won't commiserate over the most recent election; we won't talk about what the future may bring...

I miss my friend.

He was wise, he was fun, he was engaging...

He was my friend.

"Fare ye well
Fare ye well.
If I never,
ever,
see you,
any more.
Fare ye well.
Fare ye well.
I'll meet you on
the other
shore."

The Most Important Reason Not To Vote For Donald Trump...He's Not Running For President

I have not written about this election.

I have not given the glowing recommendations I did eight years ago. I have not shouted from the mountaintops for one simple reason: I have never believed Donald Trump was actually running for President.

I haven't believed he was running for President and that Hillary Clinton was a foregone conclusion, and so my voice did not have a place it needed to be.

But as I have watched events unfold, and the clock ticks down, as I have watched the fever pitch rise and as miracles like the Cubbies winning

the World Series have transpired, I realize that the world is indeed upside down, we are in uncharted territory and I might need to weigh in.

I'm not expecting to change anyone's vote. If you're in one camp or the other, you're there to stay for whatever reason, and no eleventh hour appeal will change that. But maybe, just maybe, some of these words may resonate and help you to think about your choice and whether it makes as much sense as you think it does.

Now, let me get a few things out the way. First and foremost, vote your conscience. Regardless of who that is, whether it's Hillary, Donald, Gary, Jill or even Evan, it is your right to vote for who you want. I will not condemn anyone for voting for their candidate. If your candidate honestly reflects your values and priorities, if they are going to represent the interests you want to elevate, if you have honestly looked at your candidate and believe that they will do the best job and be the best President there is, then you should vote for that person, and NO ONE should criticize you for it.

But with great power, comes great responsibility...

Your vote is your choice. With that choice, that right to vote, comes the responsibility to vet the candidate you are casting a ballot for. If you feel your candidate's position on issues, their platforms and policies reflect your priorities and you believe they exemplify the characteristics of the best leader to represent us on the world stage, then you should cast your ballot appropriately. In order to be sincere about this, however, in order for your vote to be truly valid, you need to be aware of and have given thought to what those policies, platforms and positions really are. For if you cannot do that, if you have not taken an honest look the candidates' positions, and given a fair analysis, if you are voting for any candidate simply because of a sound bite, their gender, their ethnicity or any other singular characteristic, then you are betraying the very sacred trust that has been placed in your hands, the power to choose our leadership. The power to set the direction and care for our country. To not do that most basic of things is, in a word, un-American.

Because of that, in this installment, I want to talk honestly about Donald Trump, because so many of his followers are sounding the clarion call to flock to his banner, but have not done even the most basic of reviews to understand what his positions are. If you are supporting Donald and you can't explain why beyond he's going to "make America great again" then you haven't really looked at him and his positions. You need to, to understand what you're voting for. That's not a criticism, that's just responsible citizenship.

And if you feel you have honestly done this then I have to question the integrity of your analysis, because Donald Trump has no positions. He has no policies. He has no platforms. What he has are sound bites, teasers, tweets and fluff; not the airy rhetoric we talk about when referring to people's arguments that lack substance, but rather the marshmallow filling that comes in a jar, metaphorically at least,  because it's syrupy sweet, sticky and full of things you should not be ingesting...That's what Donald's campaign is, sugary temptation that attracts you in, looks so good and then gets everything messy.

But that is not the reason you shouldn't vote for Donald Trump.

Contrary to conventional wisdom and the "liberal rhetoric" Donald Trump is not Satan, he is not "the worst person ever" and he will not be the worst president ever...the reason being, and it's the only one real reason you should not vote for Donald Trump, and that is because he has never actually been running for President.

His name is on the ballot, he has been endorsed by the Republican Party, he has been all over the airwaves...all the things that give the look of a person running for President...and that is where the crux of the matter is, Donald Trump has never been running for President, he's been playing the ROLE of someone running for President. Trump has been ACTING like he's running for President...as a Bond, comic or soap opera villain.

Now before you turn away with some expletives and delete this link from your feed, just take a step back and rather than believe or dismiss what I'm saying, look up this information for yourself. Check and see if this doesn't ring true.

He said he'd build a wall and have Mexico pay for it, but has never said how he would compel another country to do this, what leverage he has, where the labor and materials will come from, in essence, how this will realistically get done. Can you imagine if the candidate for Prime Minister of Canada announced that they were going to build a wall along the Canadian border and have America pay for it? Think about our response. How likely do you think they would be able to compel us? How is it any different with Mexico?...It's not, but it sounds good.

He says he's going to bring jobs back to America by withdrawing us from the Trans-Pacific Partnership and renegotiating NAFTA and imposing trade tariffs on Mexico and China...but again without any explanation of HOW he will get the other countries to come to the table, to renegotiate towards the US' advantage agreements that they are okay with. Further, any one of these attempts would actually cost us more jobs, damage relations and piss off the people we owe money to. Yet they do fulfill the image of America as John Wayne, kicking ass and telling everyone how it will be...you know, bullying.

He says that everyone is going to be richer with tax cuts and untold wealth, but there are no solid details to his plans and even on a cursory level, the top 1% would receive more relief than the bottom 60% combined, maintaining, if not widening the level of disparity in this country.

And then you simply turn your eye to his business dealings, his "university", his television franchise...Are you getting my point, people? Is it beginning to sink in? You've been had! You've been took! You've been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok! He's not an actual candidate, but he plays one on TV.

Donald Trump has tapped into your greatest fears and fantasies, made impossible promises with no substantiation, and simply denigrated the opposition in the most derogatory manner possible...and we laud him for this.

He has lowered our standards and made us worse as a country, as a people because of it. He has lied to you, those of you supporting him. He has betrayed your trust and taken advantage of your desperation...and if you are offended by that consider that you are supporting a man who consistently talks about getting it on with his daughter.

I have not taken the same level of offense at his comments as most people, because I know he is going for the shock value. He is Stefano DiMera, Lex Luthor, Auric Goldfinger, he is nothing more than a character in a television show, but he has lost himself in the part.  He has carried on so much that it is hard to tell where Trump the actor ends and Trump the person begins.  Perhaps there is no longer any difference and he has fully become who he plays on TV.

But on Tuesday, you will get to decide if that show gets cancelled.

I understand you're angry.

Your position in the world has shifted dramatically in the last few years. The American Dream that you were promised has not been fulfilled. The opportunity, the honest day's work for an honest day's pay, the family and home with the white picket fence are not within your grasp. You have grown up with the idea of that promissory note Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke of, a note from the "architects of our republic" guaranteeing the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. And you are experiencing what brought about the Civil Right movement, that that check has come back marked "insufficient funds".

And your anger is justified.

And I know as you look around, you see various cultures, ethnic groups, underrepresented people now being represented, getting resources, moving into your community and getting seemingly special treatment and affirmative action measures that you don't get. All of this attention is being paid to others, and I can imagine your heart is aching and you are thinking, "but what about me????"

But it is not brown people who caused this default. It is not LGBTQ folks who have failed to cover the debt owed. It is not Muslims or Mexicans or any other ethnic or religious group that have overdrawn the account. Once you look past the fear and the rhetoric to see the "man behind the curtain", you will see what has been the case all along, that the situation we find ourselves in has been caused by the same group that have always been the root cause in this country: rich White men with no moral compass...men like Donald Trump.

Look at every single major issue we've had that resulted in systemic poverty or distress and at the center, you will find these men, utilizing the resources unscrupulously, taking advantage of every loophole and opportunity, smiling while emptying your bank account and always telling you it is someone else that is doing it. Someone who doesn't look like you. Someone who is different from you. Someone who fits your fear or anger. Someone you don't have to be convinced to blame...Someone besides them.

How long will we allow ourselves to be gaslighted America?

You don't have to believe me. Simply do the research yourself. Take a look at the countless "deals"

and schemes that Donald Trump has been involved in and how it is never his fault. Look at the hypocrisy and the lies and the fervor in which he has thrown himself into this role, losing himself in the part. And so, as you head to the voting booth on Tuesday, stop and take a moment to consider what you're doing. Consider what you're actually casting your ballot for. Honestly look at the fact that approximately 91% of what he said have been lies and ask yourself what are you really voting for if everything you believe in about Trump, all the things that drew you to him and caused you to choose him are false, then what are you really supporting? Ask yourself what you will really get once the power has been turned over. Ask yourself if a TV villain is what you really want to cast your vote for.

It's time to wake up America.

Think about this carefully and Tuesday, make the right choice, you hold the future of this country in your hands.

You can do this.

I believe in you America.

How Does A Black Man Feel?

People have asked me all day how I'm feeling.

I have other Black male friends who are posting that they feel afraid, posting that they feel sad, posting that they feel fed up, posting that they feel angry...

and they ask me how I feel.

I feel like going on.

Every one of my friends' feelings are valid. The world is not the place that we were led to believe, that we were told would be when we grew up, that we were promised and that is disappointing, disheartening and depressing.

My friends who are afraid, have justifiable fear. In 2016 alone, Black men have been shot by police at a rate nearly 300% more than we are of the population. We take our lives into our hands every time we step out the door...But I'm not afraid. It's not because I'm braver or more courageous than my friends, it's that I'm just flat out sick of being afraid anymore...

My friends who are sad, have understandable sadness. How do you keep your spirits up knowing that the value of your life is not the same as those around you? How can you not be sad when your life expectancy is five years less than your White counterparts? Add in racial profiling, and the prospect of living to retirement age looks less likely. But I'm not sad, because I'm flat out tired of being sad...

My friends that are fed up have a right to be fed up. EVERY SINGLE TIME this issue is raised the deniers and detractors come out the woodwork to say wait for more data, and we don't know "all the facts"...then they want to parse the data to create new "facts" and it all becomes too much...but I'm not fed up anymore, I'm sick and tired of being fed up...

My friends that are angry, have many reasons to be angry. As Black men, our lives are constantly under scrutiny, attack, persecution and denial. We are not valued except as targets, excuses and a focal point for blame; ANYONE would be angry...but I'm not angry anymore, I'm sick and tired of being angry...

I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. But most of all, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

We hold these truths to be self evident! That all men are created equal...yet we are killing and marginalizing one group at a rate tantamount to slow genocide all while denying it is happening...

(Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!)

Does someone not understand the definition of self? of evident? or is it equal?

We talk about how great America is or making America great again, but we fail to look at the gaping hole in our national psyche that is focused on the denigration and disposal of Black men. How are we to take that? How are we to reconcile the platitudes with the reality? How are we to take pride in a country that does not take pride in us? There is no greater conflict within me. How do I feel about my country, and how does my country feel about me?

And how do I feel? I feel like going on.

I feel this way because we are trapped in a loop of repetition, plying the same old excuses, the same old hollow words, and the same old outrage.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. It is time to stop. It is time to step off this merry-go-round. It is time to look at the man-in-the-mirror, America, and make a change.

We need an intervention.

We need to stop seeing Black men as threats and targets and recognize us as humans, as friends as brothers. We need to stop excusing the soft bigotry of the passive acceptance of systemic racism. We need to stop negating the very existence of us.

We need to change our laws, our system and our perspectives. We need to stand together and recognize the value of Black men and the value of Black lives. We need to affirm that they do, in fact, matter.

And we need to let nothing stand in our way.

It is right. It is Just. And Lord knows, it is time.

Amen.

At Some Point, We Have to Admit We Have a Problem

At some point, we have to admit we have a problem.

At some point, we have to stop glossing over the very real tragedy that is occurring on a daily basis in our country and not write it off as justifiable, acceptable, or in any way deserved.

At some point, we have to sober up and look at the carnage that exists in our community and recognize that an uncontrolled predisposition exists towards the extermination of one singular segment of our society like an addiction.

Yes an addiction. We have a problem.

Regardless of individual circumstances, the same thing keeps happening over and over and over. It is beyond coincidence or isolated incidents, it is a pattern. A pattern as prevalent as meth or crack and as invasive.

We are killing Black men.

This is not anti-police. This is not anti-gun.

This is anti-extermination. This is anti-death.

This man worked at the school that every year for the past 7 has been doing food drives in March for Hallie Q's Food Shelf. Those children will never see him again and we, as a community, are going to have to explain why. We are going to have to help them understand why this is bad and keeps happening and still ask them to see the good officers that exist as separate from the addiction that infects law enforcement. We are going to have to help them understand why people they know are being killed for no justifiable reason.

The ONLY way we are going to be able to start on that path, the only way we are going to stop killing our community is to take that first step and admit that we, our country, our law enforcement institutions, our society have a problem. A problem that has taken root within our consciousness and given over to a destructive pattern of self extermination.

Black men are not other. We are not "out there". We are a part of our communal family and we are being exterminated by another part that sees us, whether consciously or unconsciously as something other than human, as something other than part of them, as something other than brother.

At THIS point we have to stop ignoring the truth and admit we have a problem so that we can BEGIN the first step towards getting clean and sober and stop exterminating Black men.

~Jonathan Palmer

*Warning: This video contains graphic and traumatic events. Please view with caution*

On Justice, Jamar and Jenga, Part 1

I have been thinking a lot about about the events surrounding Jamar Clark's death, the protest at the 4th precinct, our men and women who serve and protect, and the ongoing system of justice, or lack thereof within our country, especially for those of us of color or economically disadvantaged.

It has been difficult determining what to say and share. And one I started to write, I found it was hard to stop. In fact, I'm still writing. But I've broken this up into three parts so as not to overwhelm. There is so much going on; emotions are running high, anger and polarization are at the forefront, and most of all there is pain, a lot of pain, all the way around. Layer has been stacked upon layer, like a Jenga tower, until we've reached the tipping point. As is often the case, it seems we are so blinded by our own pain, especially when it is true, that we cannot see that of those around us, especially when they are on the "opposite side". As human beings have a tendency to compartmentalize and categorize those we consider as "other" making it easier to dehumanize and dismiss them, to criticize them...to hate them. Doing this avoids the burden of having to consider alternative viewpoints, empathize with those making impossible decisions in difficult situations, and allows us to vilify with ease with no regard for the consequences... Because, if we have to think about it, and consider that "other" as the same, we worry that that somehow makes our own beliefs wrong, which is most assuredly not true. We do this in religion, politics and any issue not germane to our own way of thinking, and it is a very limited viewpoint. An element of disagreement in any discussion or situation is healthy and helps to ensure that all perspectives are being represented...it's just not easy to do. And, unfortunately, that's where much of our public dialogue and rhetoric have devolved to...the simple path, the unexamined path, the easy path...but that doesn't make it the right path. America is great at condemning other people and other countries, but when that lens turns inward to us, suddenly the conversation shuts down.

Now, what I'm writing is not for everyone. If you view the police and law enforcement SOLELY as a paramilitary organization with malice and wanton destruction as their goal, this post is not for you. You won't like it, and you should turn away now and find some Ziggy cartoons or something less thought provoking.

If you view Black Lives Matter and other groups SOLELY as whiny liberals and minorities, sucking up your tax dollars and creating issues where none exists just to cause trouble and unrest, this post is not for you. You won't like it, and you should turn away now and switch on FOX "News" or some other distortion of facts and information, it will bring you comfort along with your Ben Carson lawn sign.

If you view tragedy and tragic situations SOLELY as an opportunity to create a platform to elevate yourself, be interviewed for soundbites and video, and have "iconic" moments captured professionally to create your next campaign sign or promo spot, this post is not for you. I have no pithy comment to go along with this one because there can't be. In the course of doing good work, leaders WILL end up on camera or interviews and be quoted, that is par for the course and not my concern, but if that was your goal from the outset, if exploiting this tragedy was your main reason for being out there, or at any time it became more important then healing the people involved or the community, then you need help, serious, serious help, and you should seek that out immediately and step away from the limelight. Period.

BUT

If you can conceive that no one person or side is entirely and absolutely right, if you can understand that hearing another perspective does not mean that you agree or even accept that viewpoint, if you can understand that sometimes people have to make choices that they don't like or agree with, but are compelled to do because of whatever laws are being followed, then I encourage you to read on. I make no claim to have the absolute Truth or to even be right, just that I can share my thoughts and perspectives shaped by my experiences as a person of color, as a member of this community as someone who has walked the path I have and hopefully provides some insight.

~End Part 1~

On Justice, Jamar and Jenga, Part 2
On Justice, Jamar and Jenga, Part 3

On Justice Jamar and Jenga, Part 2

I went down to the 4th Precinct Thursday night to see what I could see and learn. It was hard to go. As much as I wanted to be there, as much as I'd felt the pull, I had a sense of apprehension. The volatility, the images, the anger was all too familiar and reminiscent of what I had been through during the Rodney King verdict riots. I was not in L.A., I was in Atlanta at Morehouse College where police cordoned of the campuses of the HBCUs in the Atlanta University Center (AUC) as a "precautionary" measure (apparently that many brown people in one place caused anxiety), shot us with tear gas (even into dorms where people were simply watching) and assaulted us. They worked the group into a frenzy and then pulled back a half mile to let the rage explode, increasing the destruction and impact to "justify" their actions. Like this one, it was a mix of college students and residents from the surrounding impacted community, justifiably angry at the lack of equity and accountability within our country. The difference here being the additional element of individuals who are not affiliated with any organization or movement and who just want anarchy and chaos. I saw a number of these individuals on Thursday night.

The point I want to draw here is that having been in the middle of riots and dealt with police, agitators and simply frustrated people, it is not something I walk back into lightly. It resurfaces the experiences of violence, trauma and frustration that threatens to overwhelm. But, my heart aches for my community. It aches for those of us of color who daily must live within a system that continues to marginalize and oppress, with scant outlet for expression and justice. It aches for my community torn asunder by this system, this incident and the apathy that turns a blind eye, dismissing legitimate concerns. It aches for those who strive to uphold the law, caught in an impossible situation where mob mentality on both sides have swept them up in a tidal wave of turmoil, making it that much harder to do the job they love, to protect and serve. And it aches for the three people at the center of this and their families, because once you move past the rhetoric and accusations, once you move past the anger and rage, once you move past the soundbites, a young man lost his life and the two officers have to live with the consequences and the responsibility of that no matter what actually transpired.

When I visited the precinct, I was surprised by a number of things, some good and some not as much. I parked a block west of the intersection of Penn and Plymouth and walked down towards the demonstration. As I approached, I could hear Bob Marley's "One Love" playing as people huddled around fire pits or danced in large groups. From a distance, it could have simply been a block party, celebrating the coming of winter and neighborhood togetherness. I walked around to get a sense of things. To the west of the entrance in front, were tents set up with food, water and supplies. I asked a young lady standing next to a table if this was BLM, and she didn't know, nor was she sure where they were. She had only been there a few hours with a friend and she was just helping give out water. Not wanting to press, I moved on. Outside of the entrance stood 6 officers, half in tactical gear. Metal barricades extended to the edge of the walkway and Deputy Chief of Staff Medaria Arradondo was leaning over them talking to what looked to be reporters. As I walked out into the street, the music was then interrupted by one of the people getting on the microphone and giving an impassioned account of the reason for them to be there. She spoke from her heart regarding the importance of the moment and the value of each and every one. I ran into James Everett as I do at every rally or demonstration. He has a heart for community and I love his conviction and commitment. We talked for a minute before he had to head off. I talked with a couple of other people I knew before moving further down the block towards the east side of the precinct. For the most part, it was casual and laid back in the center as people huddled together for warmth and commiseration.

As I walked eastward, I glanced over and noticed a young man had climbed up on the wall on the east side of the entrance, behind the sleeping tents that had been set up, and had begun tagging the building. I thought to myself, "that's really not a good idea." Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, after he had moved on from curse words to spraying over the security camera lens. A ladder went up from inside the walls and officers came up with a rubber bullet gun. As they climbed up and slowly got into position and took aim, a number of people shouted at the man to get down, that he was going to be shot, but he kept tagging and a few minutes later he was down. All of the protesters ran to the wall shouting, "hands up, don't shoot" along with a string of expletives. The officers climbed back down and the next twenty minutes were filled with chants, cursing, yelling about abuse of power from the protesters. When the officers came out to clean off the lens, they formed a human wall and stood there while protesters jumped in their faces, calling them names and insulting them, yelling at them, and to their credit, the officers finished what they needed to do and went back inside. In at least this incident, their actions were measured and minimal and not without causation.

I suggested to one of the organizers that they warn the protesters not to engage in activities like that that would lead to further confrontation and he did. Standing up for what's right does not give free license to do what's wrong. In that same vein, as I continued to watch the activities, twice after that I saw officers come up over the wall on ladders, once with a hydraulic one and another just a regular climbing one, but with a ski mask on. As a general tip, if you're a member of a group that people think are betraying the public trust, and you're being protested against for at least in part a lack of transparency, showing up anywhere wearing items that conceal your identity might not be the best course of action...just sayin'. Another officer at the front of entrance was muttering things under his breath and giving that kind of dismissive laugh you give when something annoys you to the twenty-something, blonde, college student who was taunting them (yelling if they felt big and powerful). Not the worst he could have done, but also unnecessary and unproductive for the night.

I wandered back over to the entrance of the precinct and was standing on the side of the building when one of the officers called out to me, "You didn't come out to Open Streets this year." It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about. I'm part of a group (Minnesota Superheroes United) the dresses up like superheroes (cosplay) for public and charity events to visit with kids, make them smile and let them meet their heroes. Last year, at the Lowry Open Streets we met up with this officer and a couple of others, and took pictures together for the kids. It was a stark contrast to the situation we were in, but it brought home the fact that not everyone in this situation was bad, or wanted to be here. We exchanged a few more words, which was enough to draw the attention of some of the protesters. A guy who appeared high and had been "reassuring" the officers that they were mad at the system and not them and not to take it personally, edged over to the wall by the officer I was speaking to and one in a Guy Fawkes mask came and stood by me, while a woman snapped my picture. I laughed and asked her if it was me or the other guy she was photographing, but she denied doing it. So I wandered back to the street for 30 seconds, and when I returned, all three had mysteriously moved away. I left then, wishing the officers and the protesters good luck, and drove back home to process all that I had witnessed.

It's a lot to take in and a very complicated and complex situation.

~End Part 2~

On Justice, Jamar and Jenga, Part 1
On Justice, Jamar and Jenga, Part 3

On Justice, Jamar and Jenga, Part 3

This is not about whether or not there should be justice, there must be. Justice is necessary to bring healing and restore balance, not just in this situation but across our country where many are just now coming to the realization of what is happening within our legal system. But bringing justice requires facts, and there are a lot of facts that must still come to light and when they do, they will reveal the guilt or innocence of the officers. This part seems to be lost on many people, however; how investigations work and what is or is not possible. When the investigation concludes, and the evidence is brought forth, if it proves the officer's guilt than I hope and pray that justice runs down like water, and bathes our community in a healing balm that enables the Truth to shine so brightly no one, not even the most ardent defenders of the status quo, will be able to look away, and in that moment, they will have to choose whether to stand for what's right or be swept away in the mighty stream of righteousness. But while we wait, we must govern ourselves in such a way that retains the moral high ground and does not give into the anger and hate that we feel, not because it is not justified but because we lose our standing, we lose our conviction and our support when deviate from the right path. When Dr. King and others of the movement were arrested it was for doing things that should have been legal and for peaceful demonstrations that allowed the country to see the brutality of oppression, not for acts of vandalism and instigation. I understand the anger, I understand the rage, but we must be better than the forces that oppose justice, we must be better than that so as to leave them no loophole or technicality to escape. We must be our best selves to ensure that justice is served.

Justice, however, does not simply mean the conviction of the officers, it must also mean their exoneration if they are proven innocent. In order for justice to be fair and impartial, the outcome, even if we disagree with it in our hearts, must be dictated by the truth that is revealed; it must hold to the same standard that we are demanding for Jamar. For only in that commitment are we able to move forward. If the truth shows that the officers acted within the law, then we must embrace the truth and bear no malice to them. This does not mean you have to let go of the anger and rage, but rather redirect it to where it should be, even now, at the system that has so oppressed our country that people have already drawn conclusions about the guilt of the officers, vowing not to refuse to believe anything but guilt, regardless of what the evidence shows. That is a problem. We cannot fix a broken system and demand that it deliver justice if we are not willing to abide and uphold the same standard. If we uphold this same standard, then we can hold the system accountable and leave it no ground to go to.

And while we wait for this, it is incumbent upon those in law enforcement to recognize the maelstrom that we are caught within. To separate out the personal from the professional and allow, the anger and frustration to be expressed even if it is directly at you, without taking it personally, without allowing it to rile you, without reacting. We need you now, more than ever, to uphold the tenet of protect and serve, and be the heroes we need right now. We need you to stand tall, so as not to disrupt the peace that is tenuously in place.

The events that have unfolded and the resultant crisis we find ourselves in are built upon generations of systematic oppression of people of color and/or low income. And the posturing, rhetoric and loud screaming is getting in the way of recognizing that we're going to have to work together to reach the solution for all of us. People must be allowed to voice their opinion and frustration and work to bring about systemic change in PARTNERSHIP not in opposition to those that represent our government. And if we approach it rationally, reasonably and equitably, it clears the path for those who agree to join us and those in opposition to be revealed and moved beyond so that progress may be achieved. And those in positions of authority, it is their responsibility to recognize the bigger issues at stake, that existed long before they took power and not to be defensive but rather help bring about productive dialogue, recognize the anger and frustration and acknowledge it so that we can heal. Know that most people are simply looking justice and equity and help us all to achieve it.

Most important, it incumbent on all of us to not allow ourselves to forget the humanity in this situation. Not everyone who stands across from you is against you, some people just believe differently, some just do not know better. This is not saying do not protest. This is not saying do not defend. It is saying recognize the bigger picture, look for the places to find common ground. Look for ways to not allow this tenuous tower to topple over. Understand there is a difference between an individual and an organization and at the core of this are three people and their families whose lives were irrevocably changed that night, and seeking the truth, seeking justice and healing them and the community must be the first and most important priority. We must come together at the end of the day and build a better future for us all.

No exceptions.

~Finis~

On Justice, Jamar and Jenga Part 1
On Justice, Jamar and Jenga Part 2

Marathons, Movements and Black Lives...Oh My!

Recently, there has been a lot of concern raised around the plan of the Black Lives Matter movement to disrupt the Twin Cities Marathon and I don't think I'll have a better opportunity to combine double entendres with offering perspective on this issue and my unsolicited advice. Numerous friends and family of mine have expressed anxiety, apprehension and even outrage over the plan. However, I think what is not being understood completely is the comparative value of the marathon to the lives of black people.

Let me start off by saying that I don't agree with the idea to protest the marathon, but I do understand it, and the logic is sound. My wife and I discussed this at length last night and she raised all of the arguments I've heard: "Why would you do this to people who would support you, you're going to alienate them?" “I don’t see the point, the runners have nothing to do with this issue.” "These aren't government or corporate power structures, these are people who have trained for years to do this event and you're taking away their opportunity to fulfill a personal goal and do something positive."

In response, let me ask what about the young black man going to school for years, training to be an engineer or tennis player who gets assaulted and/or killed? What about the millions living in abject poverty and shunted through systems because their value isn't affirmed? How do you compare someone not being able to continue their marathon because of an intentional act by an organized or loosely affiliated group to someone not being able to finish their life because of an intentional act by an organized or loosely affiliated group? How do you hold those two up and call them the same?

Therein, in my opinion, lies the point of this protest: that people's lives are more than inconvenienced by the lack of affirmation that Black lives matter and the ingrained racism within our society that allows the systemic marginalization and decimation to occur; the point that you don't get to decide which event gets disrupted, or how this group should protest in a way that is convenient and acceptable to you any more than we, as Black people, get to decide when we get pulled over, beaten, marginalized or shot and scheduled it for a time and way that's convenient to us. The events and acts that I believe BLM is trying to raise awareness of often come with little warning and cannot be stopped, they disrupt our lives and prevent us from finishing our own races, often through death. We live daily with this concern and fear and even direct action with no choice in matter. The fact that we do not get to weigh in on and decide when racism and brutality will occur is EXACTLY the reason why this protest would happen. It is holding a mirror up to our reality through a lens that the broader community can't help but see, if they look. We do not get to choose when we are impacted, that is the point, I believe, of the protest.

Again, I don't agree with the decision to do it, and would not were it my call, but I DO understand why it is being done and for that reason, cannot condemn it. You may not like it or agree with it, but hopefully, now, you understand why someone would do it.

I will not condemn this plan, but I will offer a piece of unsolicited advice to the organizers or those involved. The idea of this plan has raised public concern to a level where numerous public officials are offering to meet with you, and if you do, there will be offers of assistance and suggestions, take them. The major point of protests is to raise awareness and perception and to attempt to gain a voice.
You have one.

You have the key stakeholders, decision makers and gate keepers who have opened their hands and minds to this message. Some because it is politically the best option, but many because they believe in the ideas, value the sentiment and honestly want to help. This is the brass ring as it were because it is an opportunity to not only achieve some of the change you want to bring about, but also firmly secure a political position that is validated and have allies to work alongside you. You will not get everything you want, negotiation and compromise is the very nature of the politics of change, but you will get more done than continually working from the outside and you will lay a solid foundation to continue advancing the issues and working towards solutions in partnership with those who have authority and power, and who may need this connection in order to fully understand and in turn support, the battle which must be won.

Now I can understand there may be some within the movement who will say no: no compromise, no negotiation, no surrender! But that reveals a lack of understanding of how society operates. People come from diverse backgrounds and perspectives, and in any given situation, especially ones which challenge ideas and principles deeply entrenched, not everyone is going to agree on everything. To refuse to consider any level of compromise is to be guilty of the same dogmatic practices and positions that have brought us to this point, of course you have to add racism and classism to the mix for the original, but beneath that lies an unwavering obstinacy and refusal to embrace change that you run the risk of emulating if you are unwilling to even have a conversation.

Being willing to negotiate and compromise allows for a broader circle and the construction of an effort or initiative that not only brings more people to the table, but also ensures that the solution has support from a wider set of stakeholders and in doing so a greater audience to promote to and engender buy-in from. It may not be what everyone wants, but it will be something everyone can support and live with, and at that point the second, more powerful component of the battle begins, that of the heart. You see, once you achieve a compromise that everyone can live with, then people have to actually live with it. They have to experience it, they have to be confronted with it in a non-threatening manner and they have to think about it, day in and day out. And when that happens, all of the bluster and rage objections and soundbites fall away to reveal just the truth of the ideas, and that is when true lasting victory occurs.

The idea that Black lives matter, that they have value, that they are equal to all other lives is an idea so simple, so pure and so true, it is a mystery why anyone would oppose it, but there are people who do, and they do it out of ignorance and fear. The more they are presented with a target, the more you try to bludgeon the idea into them, the firmer they will dig in and resist. It is what we do here in America. It is what we’re known for, and we’re very good at it. But you take away that forced compliance, you take away that adversarial tactics, you build instead an agreement, an understanding, a compromise based on shared values that is accepted by leaders and representatives that people know, agree with and respect and all they are left with is the beautiful truth that is intrinsic to so many of us, that Black lives do matter and to oppose this is stand against what is right without some excuse to hide behind or some foil to pass one’s prejudice off to. To oppose this is to admit to world that the problem is not people disrupting races but one’s own insecurities, fears and biases.

It is to admit you are wrong.

And that compels the world to change, not by force, but by choice.

And that, my friends, is the battle won.

Why Does It Always Have To Come Down To A Race Thing?

Over and over I have heard the same question arise from the average person: "Why does it always have to come down to a race thing?"

It's on Fox "news", it's in my news feed, it's been tweeted, etc. etc. Often followed by them saying that the don't care about color, and why don't people just do the right thing? Why does there have to be such disparity? Why can't people just get along? Why can't we just trust the system? Why can't you just use the courts to get justice? Isn't this just about upholding the law and those breaking it?

Why does it always have to come down to a race thing?

Why?

You asked (or at least read the questions), so I will tell you.

The problem comes down to understanding the issue and the scope. It is not simply a matter of respecting authority, and you cannot view it as an isolated incident and be honest. Understand that that while you may not care what race, color or creed a person is, many people in positions of authority, positions of control and just in large numbers do care about what race, color or creed a person is, and they bring those biases, prejudices and beliefs into the systems that should have no place for them...but time and time again they do, as evidenced by the over representation of brown people within the prison system, the armed forces and the impoverished neighborhoods across the country. You ask why does there have to be such a disparity and the answer is that our country was built upon that disparity and ingrained in our way of life.

Our country was constructed on slave labor and the creation of a permanent underclass. I don't mean this in the general way that our high school history covers things, with a fleeting glance that talks about plantation slaves and cruel overseers, Jefferson Davis and the South versus the North...I mean it in the little known facts that are a significant part of our history and laying the foundation for the society that exists today. The fact that Wall Street was where you could rent out your slaves for the day, that the Capitol building in Washington DC was built by slave labor, that many companies started with slave labor to build themselves up. That it was so interwoven into our culture that we didn't give it a second thought. For 242 years in this country, one group was in bondage, providing free labor and economic growth that bolstered the coffers and position of another, all while enduring rape, murder, mutilation, and all manner of atrocities that psychologically and morally decimated the soul of brown people. And once slavery was abolished, the same practices continued under Jim Crow LEGALLY until just over 50 years ago. As a people we have been enslaved longer than we have been free, and when you add in Jim Crow, we are barely two generations out.

This is not hyperbole or rhetoric, these are facts, easily researched, difficult to read and accept. They are a part of our history. A dark and shameful part, that we don't like to think about because it hurts.

It hurts to think about it and this makes people defensive. Why? Because when you talk about white privilege and the advantages gleaned from it, people automatically assume there's an active component. That there is an accusation inherent in talking about White privilege that they actively participated in the oppression...

No.

The vast majority of White people had no more to do with the development of the system and the creation of the advantages anymore than the vast majority of Black people had anything to do with the disparity that exists for them...of course some people erroneously believe that Black people are exclusively responsible for the position they are in, but the truth is that these are integrally linked. You cannot have one without the other. They are the results of the circumstances of our country's history and action and even inaction.

To put this in perspective, think of a relay race with two teams. The rules are set by the first team because it's their track (well, actually the claimed it from another school that was still in session, but I digress) and they decide the members of the second team have to carry them for the first half of the race. At that point the first team climbs down, rested and ready, but only they get credit for the number of laps already run. So the second team not only is starting from a point further back in the cycle of the race, but they are tired and worn down. So they have to run harder and faster in order to just keep up, to compete they are going to have to run twice as much. Meanwhile, the first team keeps questioning why the second can't compete, after all, they both started at the same point on the track at the halfway mark...

And to bring it full circle, it's a relay race, with each generation being new to the race, but being handed a baton that carries with it the position and the laps completed by the previous generation. So even though they weren't involved at the beginning, they claim the position of their forerunners...

That is what privilege and systemic racism is in an allegorical nutshell.

It's not about wanting it, or liking it, or pursuing it, it's where you are in the race.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being…Black in America

Over the past several weeks, our country has been inundated with images, articles , rhetoric and friendship ending soundbites around the Michael Brown case, that has sparked a national conversation on the subject of race and race relations in this country. To say the discussion has been divisive would be to call the Winter in Minnesota slightly chilly.

And coming forward from that, people have gotten so entrenched in their positions, so solidified in their defense, that when the clearer, less ambiguous case, the strangulation of Eric Garner, has resulted in the same outcome, they have remained ensconced within positions that defy logic, reason, and, in fact, truth. I cannot recall a time when there were so many speeches and so many people so defensive, so certain of sanctity and so desperate to justify injustice in order to avoid culpability, self reflection and being American…

Wait. What?

Yes, I did say that. I’ll get to that part in a moment.

And I know this will come as a shock, but so many people have gotten their definition of what being American is from pundits and talking heads at bias “news” networks, that they forgot to actually look up the definition and the principles on which our country and rights are based. They hear words that sound good and fit their argument and regurgitate them out into the internet from the brave space behind a computer screen because they don’t have to listen to responses, examine the logic or look people in the eye. It is the conversational equivalent of singing and dancing in your underwear in front of a mirror: no one is there to give you critical feedback and you don’t have to listen to the truth that is staring you right in the face…that you’re just not Star Search material Sherman.

In America, we are happy to condemn tragedy and injustice as long as it is outside of our country: Nazis? Worst people on the planet ever; Khemer Rouge and Cambodia-Horrific human rights violations to be condemned; Idi Amin, Muammar Gaddafi, Slobodan Milošević, Kim Jong-il the list is so plentiful that you could sell trading cards and people would eat them up like they were Skittles. But you begin to turn that lens to the United States and suddenly the unified response against human oppression and tragedy becomes debates on the character of individual victims, criticism of the response of people opposed and defense of the system that exists regardless of its impact. I am quite sure that not every single one of the over six million Jews murdered as part of the Holocaust were model citizens, yet no one ever puts forth an argument of “I Stand With The Nazis”….And nor should they…Ever! We all agree on that. But the minute we start examining the inherent oppression and extermination of African Americans in the U.S. it becomes a squirrelly conversation that brings out the inner bigot in people cloaked under defending the Constitution, the 2nd Amendment and of course freedom...well, freedom for some people...

And freedom is the issue at stake here.

Now I know that people are confused, and wondering why someone like Michael Brown would inspire the expression of outrage and be an individual that protesters would rally around. They think that it invalidates the anger and indignation, that protesting following the outcome is pointless, and yet Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States who said "A society will be judged by how it treats its weakest members"...

But it is not Michael Brown alone or specifically that people are angry about. It is the sheer injustice of a system ingrained with racism and from individuals in positions of power and especially law enforcement, who abuse their sacred trust and privileged position to do harm rather than protect and serve. We are angry at the system and those who abuse their power:

For protecting them, by a mock trial from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these States:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For exciting domestic insurrections amongst us

In every stage of these oppressions, we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury...They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

Those are not my words, they are Thomas Jefferson’s with a minor tweak or two from the Declaration of Independence. Stop and think about that for a minute. Better yet go read the full text and recognize that the charges leveled in there, many of which are reflective of our country today, led to the wide spread protests, and often violent insurrections that would eventually lead to the overthrowing of the government to establish something more just and fair to the people…think about that and then turn back to the protests and riots and maybe you’ll understand that what’s happening is not wrong, it’s American.

Yes, all the things happening in Ferguson and across the country, all of the actions are as American as baseball, George Washington and Apple pie...they are the same beginnings of our first Revolution. How, then, can anyone criticize or condemn these acts and still call themselves an American...How can one not see that the major difference between that one which we hold in such high regards, and this one, is race.

I know it may be hard to wrap your brain around, but it doesn’t make it less true.

“You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.” Morpheus, The Matrix

End Part One

JP Calling Orson, Come In Orson...

I don't generally mourn entertainers. They, by definition, entertain. I do enjoy them, but they are paid to do a job that some do well, some do poorly and most fall somewhere in the middle. Whether it's movie or pop star, comic or cartoonist, writer or sports star, they are regular people with a skill (hopefully) and a career. They may have green room peculiarities but they put their pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us...they are mortal.

Robin Williams was not. He was so much more.

Robin had an infectious style that couldn't help but make you laugh; he had a provocative mind that couldn't help but make you think; and he had a careless abandon that couldn't help but make you dream. He was not merely a comedian or movie star, he was an artist.

I grew up with Robin...well not literally, but ever since I first saw him appear to Richie Cunningham (Ron Howard) on Happy Days as Mork from Ork, I was hooked. When Mork & Mindy started, I was right there watching religiously each week, saying "Shazbot" when things pissed me off and "Na-nu Na-nu" when I wanted to say goodbye. My years can be marked by the time a grown up Peter Pan showed up on the show (ironically enough) or the arrival of Mearth (Jonathan Winters) his son as Orkans aged backwards (sorry Benjamin Button, Mork was here first). And I'm pretty sure Raquel Welch jump started puberty for me when she showed up as Captain Nirvana. I learned how to first wade into the pool of irreverent silliness with Robin and never looked back.

But like so many of us, life does not stand still. I marveled at him in Popeye, expanded my horizons in The World According to Garp and laughed and cried in Good Morning Vietnam; each new venture peeled back a layer of the man, exposing another dimension that was as deep and crazy as the former. But it was in 1989 when the world changed for me with Dead Poet's Society. I had enjoyed many a movie over the years, but that was the first time I was touched to a depth that reached my soul. Life seemed so much more after that. I came out of the theater wanting to form my own DPS, because the words of that film had resonated so deeply I though I might never be the same again. I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...

It was then that Robin became my muse.

I listened to his comedy performances and laughed out loud each time my world seemed dim. Every movie he did broadened my horizons and stirred fresh imaginings. The Fisher King brought home all the crazy ideas that roll through my head and the imaginary life that awaits out there. And Good Will Hunting encouraged me to find what is out there and not be barricade behind defenses and pain. Patch Adams made me want to be a doctor, leaving with me the lasting message that everyone brings something to the table.

But I think the movie I most loved him in, besides DPS was Hook. No other person could have epitomized the boy who never grew up than Robin. It was the character he was meant to play and he breathed life into that role so deeply that I regularly shout "bangarang" at random. It constantly reminds me to use my imagination and dream bigger. That life is full of wonder. Pan the Avenger will ever be my hero, my guide and my happy thought.

Words cannot fully express what Robin meant to me, but I will be forever grateful that my life was touched and transformed by this man that I never met in person, but shared an almost metaphysical connection to across the imaginary distance that separates us from one another. I cannot thank him, but I hope somehow that he knows now of at least this one life that he changed and channeled and made better through the gift of his craft. He was my hero. He was my friend. And I will always remember him and no matter what the future may bring or what dreams may come.

Fare ye well Robin Williams, fare ye well, I'll meet you on the other shore.